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False promises

There is no such thing as the “Mayo Clinic Diet.” Several diets go by that name, but they’re all imposters. Some claim that eating grapefruit before each meal will act as a “fat catalyst.” Another promises a weight loss of more than 50 pounds in 2 months. Others are heavy on saturated fats and cholesterol. Whatever the diet, it’s totally bogus. It has nothing to do with the respected Mayo Clinic. It will not help you lose weight. It is not healthy.

My mother sent me a brochure she received for “miracle fat-melting” asparagus pills. Personally, I prefer my asparagus steamed whole. I used to like them cloaked in hollandaise, but now I find the taste is better with a squeeze of lemon.

You may be amused (or appalled) to read this slice of spam I recently received. I reproduce the best parts here (complete with grammatical errors and creative capitalization) .

“Have you heard enough about ALL of them low, or restricted carbohydrate diets and are interested in trying it out for yourself? Would you like to try out this latest new “diet” rage but don’t have time to read the books? If so, this e-mail was meant for you!

“I have put together my own menu. Using this one of a kind 14 Day menu, I lost 23 pounds in Just six weeks, and have kept it off and have maintained my ideal body composition since Aug, 1999! Not only did eating less carbohydrates make my body use up my stored fats, my energy level soared after only 2 weeks! One of the best things is that my cholesterol actually dropped while not giving up meat!

“For only $10 usd, I will send you my very own, 14 day”restricted carbo” menu!

“Being a lover of food (everything!), you will never go hungry on my plan! “Of course, exercise is always encouraged, however it wasn’t part of my daily activity. “Losing them unwanted pounds and flab will change your life, just like it has for me!…

Words of wisdom

Okay, spotting the hoax behind the hype was easy on this one, but how can you tell about the many others? Here’s what the Food and Drug Administration and Federal Trade Commission advise.

Be skeptical about any weight-loss scheme that claims to be:

• easy
• a new discovery
• effortless
• mysterious
• guaranteed
• exotic
• magical
• secret
• miraculous
• a breakthrough
• exclusive
• ancient

Beware of such weight-loss “wonders” as:

• diet patches
• starch blockers
• glucomannan and other bulk producers
• appetite-suppressing eyeglasses
• electrical muscle stimulators for weight loss
• fat blockers
• magnet pills
• spirulina
• magic weight-loss earrings

Appetite-suppressing eyeglasses and magic weight-loss earrings??? Gimme a break!

Laxatives, enemas, and emetics are easy to come by over the counter, and they are a favorite “diet aid” of people with eating disorders. Used frequently, they can do serious damage to the intestines, esophagus, and tooth enamel. Mineral oil is another popular but dangerous strategy. By interfering with absorption of fat-soluble vitamins, its use can result in serious vitamin deficiency.

Laxatives, enemas, emetics, and mineral oil have no place in a weight-loss program ­they can be dangerous to health.

If you do use any “diet aids”, discuss the health implications with your doctor without delay.

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